The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
