I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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