He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
