I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
