its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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