they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
