I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's blow job season.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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