My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
