I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
