i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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