You're completely useless in the revolution.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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