I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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