I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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