I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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