Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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