____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
