I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
