Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
