well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
being pregnant is like rehab
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
