dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
