rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
