My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
