Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
