No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
