It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
