Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
