Christians are straight up FREAKS
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
