her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
