I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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