so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
