I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just invented taco cereal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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