I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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