ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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