On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last night I used snow as a chaser
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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