I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
