I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
