She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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