You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
