we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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