I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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