fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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