guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
