So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
