What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
