I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
