I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
