I puked a lego.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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