I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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