Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
