I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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