You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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