Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
