You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
