P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
