It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
