Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
