Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
