There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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